I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
