Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize