I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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