I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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