He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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