Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize