drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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