Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Pooping to opera.
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