I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
