I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this hospital has no fireball
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
