They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
