ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
