He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
