Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
