I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
