Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
