Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
