I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize