um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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