so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
