Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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