shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
