I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His nipple licking is glorious
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