I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
