i wish my penis had a tongue
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
