why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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