Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
