i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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