The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
