I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
