as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
