if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
