So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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