Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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