is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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