My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
