well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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