Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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