so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
