Tell her she can't have a vagina
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize