in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I booty called her while she was in labor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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