Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
