I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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