My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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