It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize