U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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