Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
