If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
