Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
