Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
