Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
