dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
