2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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