I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
