How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
