Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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