i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
