if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
