Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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