and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
