i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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