Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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