i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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