I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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