i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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