OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize