Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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