I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
