god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Holy sore nipples Batman
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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