3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
