I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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